As my wife and I watched the republican state convention today my mind kept drifting back to Thursday night when we attended the Oliver Gospel Mission 125th Anniversary Gala and was able to hear Dr. Ben Carson. First of all I would like to state that he has an amazing story and an awesome message but what stuck out most for me was how he started. The first thing that he stated was, " I am going ...to warn you that I do not believe in being P.C. , this idea of anyone that has a different opinion has to shut up is going to kill this country. If I have three people with all the same view point I don't need two of them. Instead of P.C. Political correctness, We need some C.D. Civil Discourse, people only resort to name calling and yelling when there argument breaks down" and I may add that it becomes pointless to resort to such behavior because people stop listening to you. So. In an age where "civil anything"has become a lost art let me outline some principles I "try " to follow, in fact the"try to" is the reason for
#1 no one is perfect not even you. With that being said you can't have any civil discourse with out a quest for knowledge to try to improve yourself as the main goal
#2 understand that everyone is your superior in some way, so you can learn from any one
#3 seek first to understand before you seek to be understood
#4 avoid the argument, because no one ever wins an argument, in fact, welcome the disagreement as a chance to learn
#5 don't be so defensive take time to calm your temper remember they are not your enemy but your mission field
#6 look for common ground, by starting at the same place they will be more apt to see things from your point of view and it helps you to begin in a friendly way
#7 thank them for their interest, if they are taking the time to disagree with you they are interested in the same subject matter you are, and understand they are trying to help you to see things from their point of view, which will strengthen you view by helping you to improve it or by solidifying why you believe in your own
#8. Never tell people they are wrong, ether by look or by words. If you offend someone you can no longer influence them. Instead start with " I maybe wrong, because I am a lot, lets look at the facts" or I know how you feel, I felt the same way, and what I found is......
#9 If you are wrong admit it and thank them for their help in the correction.
#10 ask questions that you know will get a yes response (see #6) then lead them through questions that they will say yes to as you walk them down your path of thought.
#11 let them do most of the talking many times people just need to here themselves speak there view point out loud to realize that they are illogical
#12 let them arrive at their own conclusion. Put them on third base with a big lead, they will cross home plate on their own, then tell them that they had a great idea.
#13 try to honestly see things from their point of view and be sympathetic with the other persons ideas and desires
#14 appeal to the "better"motives while making your case and dramatize your points and ideas through story's in order to make it vivid and interesting.
#15 challenge them to look it up for themselves and not to take your word for it
#16 let them save face once again (see#1)
This was not meant to be an exclusive list or a you must comply with this or else type list. It is just some principles that may help encourage more voices instead of less, and make others less afraid of expressing their point of view.
#1 no one is perfect not even you. With that being said you can't have any civil discourse with out a quest for knowledge to try to improve yourself as the main goal
#2 understand that everyone is your superior in some way, so you can learn from any one
#3 seek first to understand before you seek to be understood
#4 avoid the argument, because no one ever wins an argument, in fact, welcome the disagreement as a chance to learn
#5 don't be so defensive take time to calm your temper remember they are not your enemy but your mission field
#6 look for common ground, by starting at the same place they will be more apt to see things from your point of view and it helps you to begin in a friendly way
#7 thank them for their interest, if they are taking the time to disagree with you they are interested in the same subject matter you are, and understand they are trying to help you to see things from their point of view, which will strengthen you view by helping you to improve it or by solidifying why you believe in your own
#8. Never tell people they are wrong, ether by look or by words. If you offend someone you can no longer influence them. Instead start with " I maybe wrong, because I am a lot, lets look at the facts" or I know how you feel, I felt the same way, and what I found is......
#9 If you are wrong admit it and thank them for their help in the correction.
#10 ask questions that you know will get a yes response (see #6) then lead them through questions that they will say yes to as you walk them down your path of thought.
#11 let them do most of the talking many times people just need to here themselves speak there view point out loud to realize that they are illogical
#12 let them arrive at their own conclusion. Put them on third base with a big lead, they will cross home plate on their own, then tell them that they had a great idea.
#13 try to honestly see things from their point of view and be sympathetic with the other persons ideas and desires
#14 appeal to the "better"motives while making your case and dramatize your points and ideas through story's in order to make it vivid and interesting.
#15 challenge them to look it up for themselves and not to take your word for it
#16 let them save face once again (see#1)
This was not meant to be an exclusive list or a you must comply with this or else type list. It is just some principles that may help encourage more voices instead of less, and make others less afraid of expressing their point of view.
